I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
