She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
