I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
