Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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