Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
