the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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