This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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