this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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