woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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