Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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