i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Mom said you looked used
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
