I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize