Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
