Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
