I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
