I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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