dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
