i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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