I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
