The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They are going to name an STD after you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
