He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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