I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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