i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
