Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize