The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
