you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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