I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
