but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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