I think im going to throw up on grandma
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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