I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
how drunk are you?
Several
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
