Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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