I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
