I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
