"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Is it penis luge time yet?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
