you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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