As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
