I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
