the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
