He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
