First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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