sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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