Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
