there's paper in my vomit.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
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