You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Found the puke drawer
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
