Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
