Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize