Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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