What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
