yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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