Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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