How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
