I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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