It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
