Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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