apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
