new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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