please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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