"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
