I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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