The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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