Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize