if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
