Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
