Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
