Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
