so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
