do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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