I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
