Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
