it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
