If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize