I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Mom said you looked used
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
