And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
