I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
