Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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