why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
