Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
