I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
